The dramatic moments make me think of it as an easy way out. My lonely and free hours make me think of it because what am I going to do with my life? When I have time to actually consider things properly and lay everything out in my mind then possibly I can keep going but when I reach the end of existing as a being who is only very slightly still human in a general sense, then I start to wonder how and when.
I think that every single time before now was some sort of build up or a rehearsal. My intentions were genuine most of the time but not every tiny part of my self was ready for such a huge change.
Maybe I can go on for a while and a while longer but eventually I’ll see myself out and that will be the only thing I will still be in control of.