Is it normal to hate your therapist?

Trauma, trauma, trauma… I feel like she is really trying to pin everything on the traumatic events in my life. I admit that they have definitely made me more fucked up than I was beforehand but I don’t think they are the cause of EVERYTHING.

“But I had anxiety and depression before that.”

“I had those symptoms before that happened.”

I kept repeating this and then we had to go back further… My teens, my childhood and when I stopped being able to remember things, she told me to ask my mother about my first couple of years of life.

Before we started intensively searching, she asked me to think of a safe place. I  told her I didn’t really have one but then decided that I feel pretty safe/calm when listening to my cat purr. “I can rest my head on her body and listen. Except sometimes she might hit me.”, I told the therapist.

“That’s not a safe place then.”, She replied.

“Oh I trust her. I mean she will let me listen to her purr but when she has had enough she will let me know!”

Towards the end of the session she told me to work on my safe place. My cat would be so offended! I’m offended, I did the best I could.

I asked her if she felt intimidated by the fact that I’ve “seen every mental health professional in the area” and she said she didn’t.

She told me that I have never had the right treatment before and I got really angry. “My whole life has been a waste then! All of those appointments, medications, all of that money, wasted!” I felt like the biggest moron in the world.

When I drove far enough away from that place, I started to cry. I hated her then.


7 thoughts on “Is it normal to hate your therapist?

  1. It’s normal to dislike being talked to like you don’t know your own life, telling you how it is when they actually don’t know how it is. It’s normal to hate a person who does that kind of talking down to you consistently.

    Perhaps she’s one of those therapists who hold the rather Freudian view that every aspect of mental health has a root cause which can be related to childhood, but that’s a ridiculous outdated notion which is an erasure of the differences between brains. Neurodiversity is a thing.
    Some of us are just prone to depression & anxiety, like it happens.
    Maybe she doesn’t know she’s doing it, but that doesn’t excuse how crappy a behaviour it is.
    I’d talk to her about it, but I dunno if you want to expend the effort.

    Certainly it’s completely reasonable to hate her for not listening to you, and dismissing your feelings about things. Your cat is your safe space if you say she is- there is no logical reason I can see why she can’t be.

    • Thank you for taking the time to write this comment and for making me feel more “normal” about my reactions to her. As it turns out, she’s decided she cannot help me. We had a terrible session yesterday and she ended things. I guess now I can hate her completely and without feeling any sort of guilt! (And after the session I was so glad to come home and be with my cat– my safe place!)

    • She said I was uncooperative because I didn’t want to watch a video on her computer about PTSD. (I was feeling really anxious and didn’t want to sit and try to watch a video plus I was scared of her watching it with me and sitting near me.) She stayed angry at me for the whole session, which made it hard to get anything out of her supposed EMDR. She decided that there was no point in us continuing our sessions because I was uncooperative (simply because of not wanting to see the video, she had no other examples!) she also said I had a bad attitude and when I asked her to explain this she told me, “There’s just something about you.”, which honestly really hurt my feelings. I was crying and she stood up and told me our session was over. It was such a mess.
      I’m not even being miss BPD drama queen here. It honestly went just as I said. Here’s a blog I wrote about it.

    • Thanks Becky. It’s stupid that it hurt me so much. She is nothing to me now but those words linger and maybe she is right, maybe there is just something about me… Something flawed. A bad attitude. Something unfixable and unable to be worked with.

      • I’m not surprised you feel so hurt. Words do hurt and that’s ok. I don’t think you’re unfixable. You sound too strong for that.

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