Mood lapse (maybe triggering)

Day one: Wake up feeling reasonably good and itching to go somewhere. Drive for about thirty minutes with the same song playing over and over. Sing your sweet heart out and manage to convince yourself that you could be a professional singer if you really wanted to be (This is total rubbish by the way). Walk around a crowded mall and spend over $100 on craft supplies because apart from being an amazing singer, you’re an incredibly talented artist/creator (ha). Drive home confidently (when did you become such a great driver?) and keep singing because life is fucking cheery today.

Day two: Wake up feeling a bit lethargic but make yourself a cup of coffee (no decaf today!) and decide to clean the apartment so that you can spend the afternoon making cards or some shit. Create some sort of toxic combination of cleaning chemicals in the bathroom and nearly pass out. Spend a good chunk of the day feeling nauseous and convinced  you’re going to die. Mess around with stamps, embossing ink and your new heat gun. Melt crayons for shits and giggles. Try melting pastels and other various items from your desk drawers.

Day three: Your mind becomes dangerous. It’s not easy to distract yourself from a thought which swirls around. You want to see how hot that heat gun can get and you want to test it out on your skin. You’re not sure why you want to do this so badly but you can’t get the idea out of your head. You go to the gym but all you can think about is that heat gun sitting neatly on your desk and how different you will feel if you do what your mind keeps telling you to do. You think of those who love you. You don’t want to upset them but they don’t need to find out. It’s your body and it’s your choice but you do your best to keep yourself busy because there is obviously a part of you that doesn’t want to do it and maybe that part will get stronger as the hours go by.


6 thoughts on “Mood lapse (maybe triggering)

  1. Of course I’m writing to you: Don’t do it! I’m sure you can think up a more intriguing activity! BTW modesty aside… are you a good artist? Hugs & kisses.

    • I wouldn’t say I am a good artist but I enjoy drawing, painting and designing. Actually I managed to fill in some of the afternoon playing around with watercolours. Are you artistic? Thanks for being very caring. Xoxo

      • I like colors a lot & clothes but am definitely not an artist. High school aptitude test results suggested I go into fashion or interior design but my parents discouraged both. So they got nothing. Did you post art once or did I just make that up? Go ahead!

      • Last yr after almost a decade & a half in our current apt. I PARTIALLY decorated which yes I did enjoy! Rustic & industrial chic. The place is rundown & on a skanky block in a NOW hipster neighborhood. Well I hope you make (or locate) an informal work of art that’d be fun to post.

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