It’s not like me to be dramatic or anything, ha.
You’ll probably see a pattern here. I am exceptionally good at rage-quitting therapy. I got into a huge fight with my moderately (generally) okay psychiatrist after he kept me waiting for 30 minutes while he went out to lunch with a colleague. He wouldn’t take responsibility for running late though. First he blamed it on his colleague’s wife because she turned up to the lunch late, then he blamed it on his colleague, who apparently also doesn’t have the balls to stick to his responsibilities, then he blamed it on his receptionist because of course she should have known he would be late and she should have rescheduled my appointment.
Was my anger justified?
Our session was pretty doomed after that. He didn’t try to take control and lead my anger in another direction. Instead he told me I had no right to try to make him feel bad. I assured him that I had every right to say or do whatever I wanted to in my sessions and suggested that if he felt bad maybe there was a reason for it.
“I don’t feel bad.”, He told me smugly. “This is transference.” He added.
You know when you’re a kid and you find a weak spot in one of your siblings so you pick at it again and again until they snap? That’s what our session was like. It wasn’t transference. I wasn’t angry with myself and taking it out on him, I was 100% purely angry with him.
I told him I didn’t think I would be returning to therapy with him or anyone else. “My GP can write my prescriptions, I suppose. Until I stop taking my medication.”, Classic borderline manipulation. When he made a joke about our session being over, I said clearly, “goodbye” and walked out the door. I paid for the pointless experience but cancelled my next appointment. My anger quickly turned into panic and my legs felt like jelly as I hurried to my car where I promptly burst into tears.
Drama, drama, drama.