Two nights in a row I have been bothered by anxiety over something which never happened. The first night as I lay sleeplessly, my heart started beating really fast as a thought came into my head: I left a bag of my belongings in the hospital ages ago and now it’s too late to get them back! I started to freak out just a bit as I worried about what to do. How could I have forgotten my stuff? Why didn’t the hospital contact me and make an effort to get it back to me? Why have I let it go on for so long?
I was worrying about a fragment of a recurring dream and even though I knew it wasn’t real, that didn’t stop me from repeating the worry cycle the following night.
I remember most specifically the two occasions which spur this worry as well as the dream, I suppose. One time I wasn’t even in the hospital grounds as my belongings were packed away and locked up in a cupboard because I was already on the way to another hospital. The other time I had a while to wait nervously for an ambulance to transfer me. I was allowed to decide what would stay in one hospital and what would come with me to another.
I’ve lost things in hospitals and I’m sure a couple of things were stolen. I left some clothes in an emergency room because I was too scared to go back there and collect them. In another hospital my clothes were taken away and I was given something else to wear. When I went to collect everything after I was discharged, one of my favourite tops had mysteriously gone missing.
Even though I know it isn’t possible, there is a part of me that worries that I never made it back to the first hospital after I was scheduled somewhere else. I am exactly the type of person who would let too much time go by to do anything about lost belongings. I am also the type of person who obsessively checks every draw and shelf over and over after staying anywhere to make sure I haven’t left anything behind.
I have to keep reminding myself that it’s ridiculous to worry about something that never happened but there’s a part of my mind that still believes it is possible and makes me think about what I might have left behind.
I don’t think I am missing anything.