If I were tentatively considering dating again, where would I even begin? I’m not capable of having any sort of usual relationship and I definitely don’t deem myself worthy of dating anyone who fits into the spectrum of “normal”, in fact I have never dated anyone who wasn’t damaged in some way. Many of my relationships have been with other psych patients and while they didn’t weather well, there was a sense of security in the equality of our madness.
I’m a loner and I don’t want to have to pretend to be social to try to find someone. Ideally it would be great to meet another loner who is happy to spend time with me and happy to spend time apart.
Essentially I would like to date someone who is just like me and that is crazy because my least favourite person is myself. How does that work exactly? I want to date someone who just gets me and doesn’t need any explanations. Maybe someone who is like a better version of myself- damaged but able to take me under their wing and protect me from everything I am afraid of. I hope for a serendipitous meeting, the sort which might only exist in a romantic French film. I play moments like these out in my mind all of the time.
If I am to wait until I love myself before I love another then I might never fall in love again and that’s pretty depressing. I can’t just sign up to a dating site or find myself at social events because who would want to date me apart from me, apparently!