High Expectations

I know I need a new psychiatrist but like most things I can’t be bothered to find one so I continue to see the man who is not helping me at all. I rationalise that it is better than seeing no one but I don’t think I really believe that.

Today he told me he has high expectations of me. What the hell? We were talking about how I have no achievements or goals and he was telling me (yes, actually telling me) what I should be doing. You’re sad? Don’t be sad. You feel like a failure because people around you are graduating, getting married and having babies? Why don’t you have a baby? You feel like you have no discernible talent? Do these things that I think you should do. You don’t have the energy? How about going back on dexamphetamines? You almost killed yourself on those? Hrm, do you think you could take them safely this time? They could make your anxiety worse though…

I shook my head.

He doesn’t understand that when I talk about what other people are doing it isn’t coming from a place of envy. I don’t want to get married or have babies right now, although I do wish I had finished my university degree. “Married people wish they were single anyway. They’re probably jealous of you.” He told me. I highly doubt that. Perhaps he is unhappy in his marriage but he probably shouldn’t generalise like that even if it is an attempt to make me feel better about my life.

“You don’t understand. I don’t want those things but when I hear about what others are doing I feel inadequate because I have nothing. It also doesn’t feel real because time is sort of frozen for me. I still think of people as they were.”

That’s when he decided to share his high expectations and I almost laughed because I can see right though him. He doesn’t actually believe that I will achieve anything great, nor does he expect it. He is simply saying what looks best written down on paper. He wants me to think that I can do great things because then he doesn’t look like a failure of a psychiatrist. At the end of the day if he can state that I am capable of doing whatever I want to do because I am not a complete moron then the guilt lies with me if I fail.

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8 thoughts on “High Expectations

  1. Your Psychiatrist sounds challenging at best. I feel like a lot of the statements are quite negative which isn’t ideal. Gentle encouragment and support it is what is needed, along with positive thoughts.

  2. it concerns me that he has, on a few times, asked if you wanted to go on a med you worked so hard to stop taking.

    Tis time for a change me thinks.

    Tell him you have high expectations of him too, then wait… tap your toes… check your watch, then look at him and go well?

    • Haha, you know I definitely will do that. I should have done that at my last appointment. Maybe I don’t need to see a psychiatrist who is attached to a hospital. That would give me many more people to choose from.

  3. Wow he sounds dangerous to someone that is already vulnerable. His expectations are inappropriate and will do little for your self-esteem. I used to see the same Psychiatrist for over 12 years, but he was absolutely rubbish. I insisted on a new psychiatrist for a “second opinion” three years ago and haven’t looked back. Sometimes these professionals can hold us back

    • When you were seeing the other psychiatrist did you know that he was rubbish? I know that about my current psychiatrist but it seems so hard to have to see someone new. Was there something that made you decide it was time for another opinion?
      It’s weird but when people have expectations of me, especially high expectations it makes me want to rebel against them a bit.

      • I did have a feeling he was rubbish, but as he is quite senior in his role, I thought it must be me. In the end, it came down to survival because the stagnant position became a risk to my own life. I was desperate in the end and asked for a second opinion, which is our right as patients.
        High expectations are a real killer, mine come from the suffocating relationship with my parents and they just didn’t stop expecting, they’re still the same today!

        Trust your instincts

      • Thanks for answering, Cat. I’m so glad you were able to switch to someone who works better for you and that you were able to realise why you needed to.
        My instincts tell me to get another opinion but I just have to wait for my motivation to catch up.

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