Kindness

The dentist, the pharmacist, the lady at the gym, my old psychiatrist (the one I HATED), my old caseworker, the counselor who left, the patients, nurses and psychologists who reached out, my family and my friends. These are the people I miss most of the time but primary today I miss my dentist after just seeing her.

The nicest people are the people I don’t see often enough or at all anymore. I don’t even have to know these people very well to miss them.

I disconnected from reality a little bit at the dentist today. It wasn’t just from the small amount of happy gas I was given in order to endure a filling, although the gas did help relax me into a trance-like state. I could see the two faces leaning over me and I was aware of what was going on but as I stared up and the lights seemed to shine brighter, I felt my body dissolve into the chair and I doubted my existence. I wanted to stay in this state of nowhere forever but I couldn’t hold onto it and I almost cried when things became real again. The work was done, the gas wore off and my dentist told me she will see me at my next check up.

I miss her and everyone else because they were kind to me. There are lots of kind people in this world but I don’t have them in my life enough and they’re so separate from my world. They exist in a better type of nowhere- a place I don’t belong.

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