A special kind of stupid

I got lost driving somewhere I have been many times before even though I used a navigator. The depressed part of me doesn’t even try to do things correctly and then I do things like end up getting lost and I get angry with myself but not enough to stop it from happening again. I got lost on the way home too.

When I am driving down the wrong road or I am pulled over in the middle of who knows where there is a sort of freedom in breaking my own rules. Rule one: I am always in control. Rule two: I am always on time. Sometimes my depression is able to surpass my anxiety to the point where I don’t really care about anything. I imagine myself being stranded in an unfamiliar part of the city and I don’t completely freak out. My anxiety isn’t getting better. My depression is getting worse and in an overall way that appears to be a “good” thing because like I said, I don’t really care about anything but not caring about anything can be more dangerous than being afraid of everything.

There is danger in the somewhat silenced “what ifs” and I can see now what many psychologists mean when they say that anxiety can be a good thing.

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3 thoughts on “A special kind of stupid

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