Another Fascinating Session

We’re talking about relationships and my bra is showing. The button on my top has undone itself and I quickly do it up in embarrassment. At least if my psychiatrist had noticed that it was undone he also would have noticed how quickly I fixed it. I tell him I don’t want a relationship and that I just want someone who is there that cares for me. He says that sounds like a relationship and goes on to explain that relationships come in many forms. “There’s no one who would be able to understand me.”, I say. “Your friends understand you, your family understands you…”, This is not the right path for him to go down and I correct him quickly, “They do not!” He says that he understands me and I say, “You think you understand me because you’re smart and you’re a psychiatrist but you really don’t.” He isn’t offended by this and I am glad because I didn’t mean to sound so mean. “You hate me.” I say. I feel guilty for how I am acting but I cant seem to stop it. He reassures me that he doesn’t hate me.

“Why do you want me to be in a relationship anyway? It’s not going to fix anything!”, I say angrily. He calmly tells me that I seem to be wanting some sort of companionship. I tell him that I wouldn’t respect anyone who did exactly what I wanted them to do. If I found the perfect “partner” in whatever sense, I would have to ruin the relationship because I would hate them for being what I want. My psychiatrist can’t argue with this.

“I’m going to go and date a complete arsehole so I can come back and tell you all about it next time!”, I say. He knows I am joking and we are able to have a little bit of a laugh together. I spend the rest of the session casually checking on my willful button.

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5 thoughts on “Another Fascinating Session

  1. It is a good thing I don’t follow with freudian slips lol.. flirting with doc magnet.

    kk, so we have talked about this recently, your anxiety seems not so bad now, do you think some more outings are possible? If you can volunteer somewhere, just for short times, you may find the companionship you are seeking. An animal shelter would be so great for this for a start. Ponder that before you shake your head please.

    • That’s what I was afraid of him thinking.
      Even if I thought I could handle something like that (and honestly, I don’t) I have no confidence in myself and I don’t know how to do anything. I don’t know how to go about organising anything like that.
      I wish I had someone to do something with. Like if I had a friend who walked dogs or something and asked me to come along I might do that.

  2. I used to be in group therapy. My topic of choice quickly became women and how hard dating is for me. I told a group of strangers, including a 90 year old woman, that I go to strip clubs because I love that it lays male/female relationships bare. It’s money for sex and attention. My point is that, if we’re anything alike, we can be a little dramatic. At least they’re trying to understand. A lot of times that’s enough.

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