“Have you got anyone who can take you there?”
It wasn’t the question which made me cry. It was my answer.
“No. I’ll go alone.”
I drive past houses which do not belong to us anymore and I know that they are filled with strangers. My suicide hole is probably being used for storage. Everyone is so far away now. I lie awake at night thinking about that.
I fell out of the lives of so many people because company became too hard to bear. My anxiety robbed me of a safety network and I hate myself for letting that happen. At the same time I can’t face the idea of any sort of reunion. I want people to be around unconditionally but I am not stupid enough to believe this is possible.
If I could tolerate the presence of another human then I would start dating again just to have someone there.