The iced tea is meant to help with the chaos. Last night my brother helped me carry something to my apartment and even he looked shocked by the state of everything. I have DVDs piled up on my floor in front of the television because there are too many to fit into my television cabinet. The bags of presents I got over Christmas are mostly still sitting on my living room floor. My head is chaotic too and I can’t seem to find time to function between sleeping and pretending to be okay. I’ve bribed myself with watermelon iced tea. It’s supposed to give me 73 calories of energy and hopefully the caffeine will help me get some tidying done.
I found myself in awe of the words which came out of my mouth yesterday. “If you don’t tell me the truth I will cut myself!” After I said it I apologised and laughed about what an old school S&S threat it was. Manipulative? Borderline? Me? My words were much better today. You know when you’re not really in the way of someone but you both sort of apologise when you pass each other? I said, “Sorry” to a woman today and she said nothing back. She gave me a pissed off look and so as she walked away I said, “Not!”