And now for something different… Or not.

Even when it is someone else’s fault it is still my fault. If I am pissed off with them I am pissed off with myself too. I can’t take my anger out on them though so I take it out on myself.

I hate this moment right now. I am so angry. It doesn’t really matter why I am angry except I will say that I was let down after waiting the whole day to see someone (their idea).

When I am expecting to see or speak to someone, I am ready and waiting the whole day. I can’t just spontaneously jump in my car and go. I get really anxious and I can’t focus on anything except waiting. A video on YouTube is too long to watch. Playing a game is impossible. I move around a lot and wait and wait and wait. I know that is stupid but I can’t do much else when I am that anxious.

I have ALL OF THIS anger and it didn’t just come out of today. It is built up and I don’t know what to do with it. I am so angry with myself because everything is such a big deal to me.

How can I express my anger in a healthy way? Write a shitty poem? Paint a shitty painting? Hate myself for the shittiness of whatever I have produced? Write a shitty blog post? Break something I don’t care about?

This is a weighted anger and even if I could get it out of me, what am I supposed to do with the hurt from which it has evolved?

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11 thoughts on “And now for something different… Or not.

  1. I feel the same way when I have to wait for something…even a city bus. Just can’t focus on anything but what’s coming. I’m sorry you were let down. People don’t understand how much something like that can affect another person. It’s a horrible feeling, when your innermost feelings seem not to matter to anyone but you.

    • Thanks for the comment, Grainne. It’s comforting to know I am alone with my thoughts. I wonder what people think when they let us down. They must know what they’re doing if they know us pretty well but somehow they write it off as an okay thing to do and go on with their lives.
      Waiting for buses or trains is the worst. I swear time slows down then!

  2. Scream, cry, rip up a cardboard box. Let it out. When the anger is gone, talk to the person calmly, to let them know how it messed up not just your day, but put you in a bad state of mind. A text message telling you they are going to be late or can’t make it, would be such a nice thing.

    *hugssss*

  3. Just do what a kid does when they’re angry. Stamp your feet and throw things. I think that’s how they get over problems so quickly. I like to do something physical like star jumps or run somewhere until I’m worn out – lets all the energy out.

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