Even when it is someone else’s fault it is still my fault. If I am pissed off with them I am pissed off with myself too. I can’t take my anger out on them though so I take it out on myself.
I hate this moment right now. I am so angry. It doesn’t really matter why I am angry except I will say that I was let down after waiting the whole day to see someone (their idea).
When I am expecting to see or speak to someone, I am ready and waiting the whole day. I can’t just spontaneously jump in my car and go. I get really anxious and I can’t focus on anything except waiting. A video on YouTube is too long to watch. Playing a game is impossible. I move around a lot and wait and wait and wait. I know that is stupid but I can’t do much else when I am that anxious.
I have ALL OF THIS anger and it didn’t just come out of today. It is built up and I don’t know what to do with it. I am so angry with myself because everything is such a big deal to me.
How can I express my anger in a healthy way? Write a shitty poem? Paint a shitty painting? Hate myself for the shittiness of whatever I have produced? Write a shitty blog post? Break something I don’t care about?
This is a weighted anger and even if I could get it out of me, what am I supposed to do with the hurt from which it has evolved?