I’m sitting here poking holes in my pyjamas with a bobby pin and I’m trying to think of anything I am looking forward to but there is nothing. Even thinking about potential situations which might make those I care about happy doesn’t make me feel anything because I am so detached that I can’t even rely on my parasitic emotional absorption.
I don’t care about Christmas. I don’t want any presents and I don’t want to go to the extended family lunch. I’m dreading 2015 because time is passing too quickly and I have nothing to show for it. There is nothing I want to do today. There is nothing making me happy right now.
What a total mess.