Her: “I was thinking about you today.”
Me: “Oh. Okay. Why?”
Her- “Well I was thinking about mental illness…(I laugh internally at the association) I was just sort of wondering about it because I’ve never really experienced it. I had an anxiety attack once… Do you suffer more from anxiety or depression?”
Her: “Do you get anxious about being depressed?”
Me: “Its more of a generalised anxiety…(I get really flustered and laugh nervously) I get anxious talking about anxiety. (I keep talking because I am scared that I will cry if I don’t say anything else) You can probably tell when I am more anxious because I get skinnier. Right now I am just blah, I have no energy.”
Her: “Is that why you wear lots of layers sometimes? To hide how skinny you are?”
Me:(Oh shit, what?) No, um not really. (Actually I tend to wear layers to hide how fat I feel or to hide self-harm but I’m not about to tell her that.)
Me: I’m going to go now because yeah. I have to go okay, sorry. Bye.
I don’t know how to deal with someone being brave enough to ask me about how I feel not because she is getting paid but because she genuinely wants to try to understand what it is like. I don’t know how I feel about this entire conversation and how it was brought up as simply as bringing up the weather. It feels strange to me because if this person, an acquaintance, knew me well, they wouldn’t ask these sorts of questions but then the people who do know me well don’t really know me at all.