I have so much anxiety today. I can’t commit to doing anything. Even writing this is difficult and seems pointless. I don’t want to have to deal with living anymore because everything is just so scary. I’m waiting for my friend’s baby to come safely into the world so that I can decide if I am ready to leave. How messed up is that?
I have to see my psychiatrist tomorrow and I really don’t want to. It’s not worth the anxiety I feel. He’ll want to talk about what he thinks is making me so anxious and he will be right, of course. There are no solutions though, doc.
Even my death wouldn’t be a solution. It would just be a transference of pain onto people who would be able to cope with it better than I do or so I assume.