“You’re looking well.” I can’t see anything wrong with you so why are you still doing fuck all with your life?
“You look healthy.” You look fat.
“Have you lost weight?” You’re looking amazing.
“I haven’t heard from you in ages.” You’d better explain yourself right now.
“You look tired.” You look like shit and you’d better explain why.
“Your hair is getting so long.” Get a freaking haircut.
“That dress looks great on you.” You look awful but the dress looks great.
“You seem to be more at peace with things.” I know shit all about your life but that sounded really positive and inspirational.
“Are you well?” Can we please put all of that psychiatric shit behind us?
“What are your plans?” I can gauge your level of crazy by what you say next.”