I’m shredding letters from some of the kindess people I’ve ever known because I don’t know them anymore. How long can you keep letters like that? I read them quickly before destroying them and I get a taste of the past, “Don’t worry babe, [whichever guy was pissing me off at the time] is an arsehole!” “You really understand me and I know we will be friends forever, don’t ever stop writing to me!”
I stopped writing, I dated other arseholes and we stopped being friends. I can’t destroy letters from my family or from anyone else who is still in my life. I also can’t destroy the letters from my friend who is dead just like I can’t delete her phone number.
I don’t know why I lost contact with one of my best hospital friends. We were so incredibly close and we wrote really great letters to each other after hospital. We spoke frequently and met up when we could. I really don’t know what happened to our friendship and I am tempted to try to make contact but I am scared of two things. Firstly I am scared that the demise of our friendship had more to do with her and less to do with me, meaning she wouldn’t want to hear from me. Secondly and much worse, I am scared that maybe she is dead and I never heard about it.