I drove home with a smile. An actual, genuine smile. It’s no longer been months since I saw my friend, now it is only minutes. It wasn’t awkward, it wasn’t scary, we didn’t have nothing to talk about. We just picked up where we left off.
I’ve really had to force myself to live a little this week because I’ve been getting so sucked into the darkness. Yesterday I made myself get a haircut (I hadn’t had one since the beginning of the year so my hair looked atrocious!) and today I finally saw my friend. I’m tired. I can’t get to sleep at night so when I do finally sleep in the early hours, I don’t want to get out of bed but yesterday I was out of bed at 9:00am and today I was out of bed at 8:45am.
I feel proud of myself. I still hate myself but I am glad that I’ve managed to do two simple things.
I’m still smiling.