Tuesday Newsday

  • My stepmother says I am being difficult because I wont play happy families with her, my stepsisters and my father. How does that make me feel? Less like playing happy familes!
  • I can’t sleep very well at night. I find myself writing suicide notes in my head and then dreaming of death. When I wake I feel incredibly guilty.
  • I thought I saw my ex-psychiatrist going down an escalator. I said, way too loudly, “No way!” but she didn’t look up and I didn’t want to follow her in case it was someone else.
  • I ate some meat the other night at my mum’s house. It was the first time in a while. I ate to be polite but I still don’t feel like eating much at all, especially not meat. I don’t trust meat.
  • I am terrified of driving at night because I keep seeing ghosts and ghost cars.
  • I keep telling myself that I am amazing when I do things which make me anxious but I don’t really believe that I am amazing. Things keep going wrong and they’re not supposed to but maybe it’s because I can’t trick myself into believing that I am okay.

 

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2 thoughts on “Tuesday Newsday

  1. Maybe it’s okay to “not be okay”. Maybe it helps to be honest that things are not okay and try to remember that even though we feel this terrible unrelenting pain that we will NOT always feel this way. You will not always feel this way. I can promise you that. There are little pieces of happy, tiny moments of peace, small fragments where even for a short while when you can actually just breathe. It’s worth fighting for. You. Are. Worth. This. Fight. xo

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