How long does it take for people to give up on each other? I can give up on people almost instantly, if they do the wrong thing by me. I’ve had people phase me out of their lives and I have done the same.
I am not social. I am even less social than I was before I went to hospital because in those olden days, I had medicinal help. Now it’s just benzo-free me.
I’ll put aside the fact that most of the time I feel like I haven’t slept ever and that I feel so incredibly nauseous. They’re physical factors. Psychologically and emotionally I just don’t want to see people. It’s not that I don’t care about them and it’s not that I am not appreciative of the fact that they want to spend time with broken me. I just don’t want to have to interact.
So how long will it take before everyone vanishes? I’ve stopped coming up with excuses for not meeting up with people. Now I just say, “I’m sorry, I can’t.” Do these people deserve a reason for my absence? Probably. Will I formulate some sort of lie to get out of what they want me to do? Almost certainly. People get sick of hearing that I am sick. People don’t understand. If I am honest about what’s really going on, I come across as lazy and harsh.
To be honest, I don’t want everyone to disappear. I want the part of me that doesn’t want to do anything to disappear.