How long?

How long does it take for people to give up on each other? I can give up on people almost instantly, if they do the wrong thing by me. I’ve had people phase me out of their lives and I have done the same.

I am not social. I am even less social than I was before I went to hospital because in those olden days, I had medicinal help. Now it’s just benzo-free me.

I’ll put aside the fact that most of the time I feel like I haven’t slept ever and that I feel so incredibly nauseous. They’re physical factors. Psychologically and emotionally I just don’t want to see people. It’s not that I don’t care about them and it’s not that I am not appreciative of the fact that they want to spend time with broken me. I just don’t want to have to interact.

So how long will it take before everyone vanishes? I’ve stopped coming up with excuses for not meeting up with people. Now I just say, “I’m sorry, I can’t.” Do these people deserve a reason for my absence? Probably. Will I formulate some sort of lie to get out of what they want me to do? Almost certainly. People get sick of hearing that I am sick. People don’t understand. If I am honest about what’s really going on, I come across as lazy and harsh.

Pathetic.

To be honest, I don’t want everyone to disappear. I want the part of me that doesn’t want to do anything to disappear.

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14 thoughts on “How long?

  1. I like the post man. It’s insightful and relatable. Try not to give up on people tho. I know this is a cliche, but you can get so much from the people you least expect it from. I write alot of articles about depression, and people, and college life. I would love it if you could take a look at my blog and tell me what you think.

  2. Those who really care for you will never give up on you – even if you both go silent for a while. My friend from high school is still there for me, even we I disappeared off the radar for years at a time. They’ll never care, all they’ll care about it seeing you when they can.
    Hope that helps.

    • Thank you. Yes, that helps a lot. I’m glad there are people out there who stick around, even without contact for long periods of time. Hopefully some of them are in my life already or will be at some point.

  3. I also want the part of you that doesn’t want to do anything to disappear. Because it’s shitty to feel that way, and I wish you all the best.
    It probably doesn’t count for much but you got people reading your blog that won’t vanish, I won’t vanish. Wish we could hang out.

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