In one of the groups I attended in hospital, the facilitator drew a hill and a car on the whiteboard to symbolise our journeys or something like that. Then she drew a monster in the way and asked what we should do. I wanted to say, “We should run that fucker over!” but I kept quiet. She told us that we should bring the monster with us.

The monster is anxiety/depression or anything else which gets in the way of life. The facilitator explained that if the monster is stopping us from getting up the hill, the best thing to do is to get a little trailer and bring it along for the ride. I guess eventually when we reach the top of the hill we might be strong enough to fight the monster for good.

At the time, I thought it was airy-fairy nonsense. I had no intention to let a monster of any kind freeload a ride. I wanted to separate myself from the monster by going in a different direction or turning around. If I stood still, I wouldn’t have to make any decisions. Life doesn’t work very well that way though.

Today, much to my reluctance, I have to bring the stupid monster with me. I can’t avoid what I have to do and I can’t numb myself with medication anymore.

Maybe the more I let the monster come on my journey, the nicer it will become. I don’t know. I really don’t understand some types of therapy.


19 thoughts on “Freeloader

  1. That is very interesting to think about – taking the monster with you. I let my monster into my car about four years ago and he never got out. Therapy and drugs never really worked well for me though. I am slowly starting to overcome depression by finding my passion in life and working hard to get to it. I used to dwell on the past often about the various poor life decisions I have made and the people I have hurt and grown apart from. Now I am focusing on me and my future exclusively. Writing is one of the best ways for me to keep busy and active – along with working out and studying random topics. Stay positive and don’t let the monster get the best of you.
    – Derek

    • Thank you for sharing your experience. I think I remember hearing somewhere that depression is thinking too much about the past and anxiety is worrying too much about the future. The monster came along today and almost made me flee a situation but I stayed because I had to.

  2. It’s good to just admit that the problem is there sometimes. I wanted to pretend like I could just fight off my anxiety and be super awesome no-problem person again, but I soon learned otherwise. There’s nothing wrong with having a problem, but I think life will be hard if you try to pretend like you don’t.

  3. I swear this morning I viewed girl interrupted with Winnona Ryder Angelina Jolie and Brittney Murphy and thought of you.. Please heal your wounds.. I shed a tear for you and send you white healing light…

  4. In my own experience I found out what finally is really working for me.
    I ignore it.
    I’ve been understanding, kind and I been bringing my anxiety with me everywhere. If it’s grateful? Not a bit. So today I’m pretty much fed up whit this drsmaqueen. I wouldn’t run over it. I wouldn’t take it with me- I would just say hi and pass through it on my way to the top.
    God luck and I hope you’re feeling better

      • It’s not an easy cake. But I’,m som fed up with this needy anxiety and I started to just noticing when I’m getting anxious by saying OK I’m anxious now and Ok this is a panic attac. But I try to keep ion doing what I’m doing. Maybe I take a break and get som fresh air, otherwise I really try to move on. Before I was analyzing why I got the atttac ( now I’m noticing it and maybe thinking well I was thinking about my ex and ghot sad and got panic feelings, it’s ok but now I’m intending to parke my car and buy tha tnewspaer and so on. I definately don’t stop and grab the panic and carry it anylonger. What happens if ypu do that ? It get spoiled and never let ypu go. Right? So it’s about getting fed up and starting to get a bit angry and take back som space that is Yours. Not the panics.

  5. I want you to run the monster over. And then stab him just to make sure. Monsters are meant to conquer, not to invite as you cross-country in your Winnebago. If someone has a monkey on her back, she’s supposed to get rid of it. I would think monsters are the same. I have no idea what I’m talking about, but I try to tell myself I “have” fat, not that I “am” fat. Maybe you “have” a monster, and it’s not a part of your identity, and the future holds a monsterless life. Maybe the monster, too, shall pass.

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