My most familiar depression is happening outside of hospital. It waited a couple of days for me to get used to being home before it gradually seeped back into my life. It’s a cold depression. It feels like being lost outside on a winter’s night. It’s aimless and lonely but I know it so well.
The new antidepressant probably hasn’t kicked in yet or if it has, it isn’t working. I feel completely stripped of any desire to participate in life. There is nothing assisting me; nothing to help ward off the despair.
I left hospital completely unprepared. I haven’t made any appointments nor do I have anything to do. I don’t feel like doing “pleasant activities” and the thought of planning my days seems pointless. I just want to rest. My family is irritating me and I know that’s an awful thing to say. They’re trying to support me but all of their calls and texts just make me think they’re checking to make sure I am alive.
It must be terrible to really know me.