I don’t care

I wasn’t being difficult or defiant but for pretty much the entire time I saw my psychiatrist today, all I could say was, “I don’t care.”

i still don’t think I feel anything, which is fine except that my mind slips into dark places easily and now I don’t feel guilty or care about that. Usually the thought of hurting my loved ones makes me feel compelled to stick around but really, honestly I don’t care anymore. That’s not saying that I am going to end my life but I think about it a lot.

My psychiatrist decided he needs to double the dose of my antidepressant. “I don’t care.” I told him. He decided that I need to stay here a bit longer. “I don’t care.” 

In group this afternoon most of the women were crying and connecting over something emotional. I sat there and didn’t feel a thing. Our facilitator told us it was okay to cry but I didn’t. I found it sort of amusing in a way. I’m usually a pretty kind and sensitive person but I just stared into the facilitator’s eyes to show her my lack of emotion.

creepy guy is apparently studying me for some sort of secret mission involving another human race. 


5 thoughts on “I don’t care

  1. This will pass, you are in the best place now for the med change. The monitoring of the effects of your anti depressant is going to speed up your recovery. Believe me when I say this numbness will pass and Smiling Sunbeams will again radiate.

    Super big hugs

  2. Hang in there!
    And when you see that comment you’re probably gonna think: I don’t care. But that’s okay. Allow yourself to be numb and indifferent, accept that that is how it’s gonna be for a little while. But at the same time know that it’s gonna pass, it’s gonna get better.
    Do you like cupcakes?

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