Another day at the funny farm

  • I ran out of a group because there were too many people and I get really claustrophobic In those situations.
  • I sat alone in the rain just to feel something besides anxiety.
  • I had a breakdown in the gym.
  • I wanted so badly for one of the nurses to ask if I was okay but they didn’t. They don’t seem to do that here and I didn’t want to bother them. 
  • Two people told me I need to gain weight. That was weirdly positive. 
  • I laughed uncontrollably in the smoking area when a bug flew into someone’s eye. It wasn’t a funny moment. Instead of asking if he was okay, I couldn’t stop laughing so now I seem like a super bitch.
  • my meds got changed finally after lots of stress because they couldn’t find my new med. One for one. A pill for a pill. 
  • i spilt water on myself, sat on a wet chair (wet from the rain not pee) and the buttons on my cardigan went bang against a cupboard in group.

Despite all of this, I still think I am not feeling. Or I am not feeling what I should feel. Right now I am tired. Bed time.

xoxox

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12 thoughts on “Another day at the funny farm

  1. Your comments and observations are always interesting. I am curious as to why you think you are not feeling, since you already mentioned so many things that you feel. Also, when you say that you may not be “feeling what you should feel,” what are you basing that on? Someone else’s rules and ideas about what behavior should be, or what you want to behave like based on your own desires?

    • I think others have described it better than I did. I am numb, I guess. I am not reacting as I should. It’s not getting better so my doc is upping my antidepressant.
      I think that in certain situations, you’re expected to react certain ways and I’m not doing that.

  2. I sometimes flip into a state I call blankness, which I absolutely hate. For me it’s when I’m overwhelmed with too much emotion, so I automatically do the ‘no feeling thing’ instead. I wonder if you are similar? The cure is to start to allow the feelings that I’m blocking out to start surfacing, though hopefully not too fast.

    You sound better again in this post, for some reason – like you’re more in your life. I laughed when I read the title. take care.

  3. Numb. This is what you are feeling. Floating in a fog. It is a feeling though. It will change double S. Slowly perhaps.. your body is going through a lot of change. It will take a bit of time. So… one moment at a time.

    hugggggs

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