There’s this guy here who either wants to love me or to hurt me. I can’t decide and I don’t know if he can either. He makes me feel so uncomfortable but I don’t want to tell the staff because then he will know that I told on him. Everything he says makes me shudder but its so strange because I feel linked to him somehow so I don’t want him to disappear but I want him to stop following me and to stop coming up into my space. He knows I’m awkward and anxious. He tries to get into my head but I don’t know much about him at all. For a little while I wasn’t even sure he was real. I wondered if I had made him up in my head but now he talks to other people so unless we’re all imagining him, I think he is a real patient.
my body is not enjoying these medication withdrawals and changes but my mind feels much lighter. I don’t sob anymore. I don’t feel depressed, just anxious and uncomfortable. I really want to go home but it s only been a week. Today I ate dinner with another patient, which was a huge deal for me because I hate eating and I hate eating with other people. I had to do it because this patient is much older and she was upset earlier so I had to put my problems aside and when she asked if I would have dinner with her, I couldn’t say no.
Missing everyone in blog land and missing my cat a lot. I miss my family and friends too but in a different way because I sort of assume they will be okay and will always be around. I don’t really know what I meant by that. I am sorry again about the iPad typos.