Saturday night in a mental hospital and I am watching The Lion King on television. I swear to god Pumba’s voice has changed since I last saw this movie as a kid. A lot of things seem different these days. I am getting peculiar impulses to state my thoughts out loud to no one. It actually makes me want to laugh, like its a secret little conversation which I am having with no one. I’m still suffering a lot from med withdrawals and changes. I didn’t think it would be easy but last night I was pretty sure I was dying. My teeth were chattering, my stomach felt like it had been punched and I almost threw up. Today I have felt a bit better but I have lost my emotions again. My crying jags have settled. I guess that’s a good thing but i felt so alive in my despair. Now I just feel sick and confused.
The other patients are really nice and I find myself being drawn to them outside. I don’t always want to be a part of the conversations but I want to be near them. That’s really strange to me. I am not social. I am scared of people. I spend more time alone though. I like to sit on the grass and write or watch insects. I tend to sit on the ground whenever I can. Like I said in another blog, it’s like being in my own world slightly below the world of everyone else.
I hope all of you blogging buddies are well. I really miss reading what you’re all up to. Hopefully in a couple of weeks or so I will be home and can catch up!