The Dress, The Bandaid and The Advice

The group psychologist agrees with everyone else that I need to go to hospital. That’s seven people for it and one against (me). She gave me some good advice I guess but it still doesn’t make it any easier. She wants me to call just two hospitals before next group. I might be able to do that. I don’t even have to tell them my name, I just need some information.

Today wasn’t overly hot but still quite warm at times. I kept my cardigan on and pretended I didn’t feel the heat. I met my mother and brother for coffee and we happened to go into a store (mostly for girls, sorry bro!). I found a really nice dress at a good price and everyone including the store clerks told me to try it on. I didn’t want to because it has short sleeves but I felt pressured into it.

I went into the change room and kept my arm with a bandaid on it hidden behind the curtain. Everyone said the dress looked nice so I bought it.

On my way to meeting my brother and mother, I planned on taking my cardigan off to see if they noticed my S.H. I was prepared to say something like, “Look, I’m not going to lie to you guys, I hurt myself.” I just couldn’t do it though. Weak. Weak. Weak.

I love my new dress though.



11 thoughts on “The Dress, The Bandaid and The Advice

  1. hugs lots. Double S go if you are comfortable. but please do not try to just stop the meds on your own, not all at once at any rate. Talking to them is a good idea.

    not weak, you are protecting them too I think.

  2. You know, there actually is some science behind shopping therapy. 😉 Haha
    I’m glad you’ve found a new dress, the last time you mentioning looking at a nice one didn’t seem to go over so well, if I recall correctly. It’s good to find clothes that can make us feel as beautiful as we really are. (Beauty being more than just physical appearance)

    Man, there really needs to be an in between.
    Like an intensive therapy where you go every day, working on a treatment program.
    Maybe one where you can stay over-night if you really need to, but you could also go home.

    When I was younger, I was in a “day treatment program” for youth, which was like school, and I worked on mostly regular school stuff in the morning, but we had a therapy session every day in the after noon.
    It was just 4 days a week, which is surprisingly much less tiring than the usual five.
    Something like that, except no morning bit, just the therapy session in the afternoon.

    Or maybe they could make it more like rehab, a non-hospital setting for people who are ‘in between’ meaning they want to hurt themselves, but they aren’t so incredibly focused on doing so that they really need to be in the same building as an OR. Y’know?

    I wonder if anyone has proposed this, because it seems to me like there’s a derth of creativity when it comes to the mental health services.

    • Shopping therapy can be the best therapy!
      I agree with you. Maybe there could be like a community where you get to stay in a little house or something by yourself but there are nurses and doctors around and you go to therapy/groups/arts/other activities in other buildings. I think I am describing a retirement village, ha!

      • Ah-haha. I love that.
        Maybe that’s not such a bad thing, retirement villages don’t seem to be a bad model. ;P
        If it works for old people who have special needs, why not the rest of us who have our own special variety of needs? XD

        It could also be done sort of a like a camp, in the way that rehabs are, where it’s like a building with apartment/dorm rooms or lodges. Which is similar, but less fancy-shamancy.

      • Very true! We could do rock climbing and other camp activities too!
        I actually wouldn’t mind living in a retirement village. Old people are really sweet and I like a lot of the same things that they do! 🙂

  3. You aren’t weak. Oh, not weak at all, in my eyes. You are battling and winning each day that you are here. You are brave enough to keep fighting even when it’s hard. You are brave enough to share your journey with us and to let us into your world. And even on these tough days, you still find a bit of humor, absurdity, or beauty to write about. I don’t see you as weak. You are amazingly strong in my view.

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