I’m too embarrassed to leave my apartment today. In the building behind me there is the fighting couple. In one of the apartments above me is the couple who listens to weird music very loudly. Across the road is angry lady and I am ScreamsInHerSleep. Why can’t I just be WeirdCatLady? Why do I have to be known for something I have no control over?
Last night was particularly bad. I hate how paralysed/half asleep me does not care about how much noise I make when I am terrified. I scream until I can get out of sleep paralysis and then I cry and scream some more as I fall back into it. I feel like no one exists in those moments so it’s okay to scream into the night. It isn’t.
This is why I will get cremated when I die. I hate the disconnection between my body and soul. I hate not being able to animate myself. I don’t ever want my soul to be lying within rotting flesh. I’d rather it see that I am just a pile of ash and fly away somewhere else.
My dream tormentors told me they will be back. I don’t want to sleep anymore.