You Know You Spend Too Much Time Alone When:

  • You do voices for things that you throw away. For example, “Why did you buy me if you don’t want me? I thought you liked me!” when throwing out a tub of hummus.
  • You also do voices when making a salad. For example, “Nooooo, don’t leave us! We’re you’re family! What is she doing to you?! Come back!” when peeling off some lettuce leaves.
  • You make up songs in the shower about the tiny little bits of soap which you’re breaking up because they’re useless and deserve to go down the drain. Then you do the voices of the tiny bits of soap, “Help me! What’s happening?! I can’t breathe!”
  • You tell your invisible passenger what you’re doing when driving and make remarks about other drivers.
  • You talk back to the television.”You don’t know me! You don’t know what my kitchen needs!”
  • Your cat doesn’t appreciate the songs you make up for her but you sing them anyway.
  • Your neighbours give you weird looks in the hallway because they know you live alone but they probably hear most of the above.
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