These days even though you try to make yourself eat, more food goes into the garbage bin than into your mouth. You have no real appetite but create meals to pass time and because it’s something you should do. You don’t think about the monetary value or the starving children in Africa, you throw out most of what you make because it doesn’t belong in your body.
These days the foil strips which house your “other” medications empty too quickly. You find pills all over your house because you shove them into pockets and handbags and forget that they are there. You complain about your psychiatrist and how she hands out prescriptions like flyers but you hoard those prescriptions in case she stops writing them. You believe you are her own creation.
These days the people around you try to distract you. They don’t want another another episode or hospitalisation. They think that if you start doing one positive thing, the rest of your life will follow. They don’t realise that the more they pester you, the worse you feel. They make you terrified of failing, not because you might let yourself down but because you can’t stand to see the disappointment in their eyes. NOTTHISAGAIN.