These Days

These days even though you try to make yourself eat, more food goes into the garbage bin than into your mouth. You have no real appetite but create meals to pass time and because it’s something you should do. You don’t think about the monetary value or the starving children in Africa, you throw out most of what you make because it doesn’t belong in your body.

These days the foil strips which house your “other” medications empty too quickly. You find pills all over your house because you shove them into pockets and handbags and forget that they are there. You complain about your psychiatrist and how she hands out prescriptions like flyers but you hoard those prescriptions in case she stops writing them. You believe you are her own creation.

These days the people around you try to distract you. They don’t want another another episode or hospitalisation. They think that if you start doing one positive thing, the rest of your life will follow. They don’t realise that the more they pester you, the worse you feel. They make you terrified of failing, not because you might let yourself down but because you can’t stand to see the disappointment in their eyes. NOTTHISAGAIN.



8 thoughts on “These Days

  1. It’s a hard time of year for me usually. Do you think the lack of appetite is related to the time of year? Sounds like you need someone to talk to who can really listen to what you have to say.

    • Maybe my loss of appetite has something to do stress. It is a hard time of year.
      Maybe I could try talking to one of the Santas (accidentally typed Satans twice just then!) at a shopping centre. He might listen to me! 🙂

      • Stress definitely affects appetite! Apparently it is not good to eat when feeling stressed. Finding a way to relax is probably important in this time of year, otherwise we might starve!! 😉
        (Giggle – Satan Claws / Santa Claus…! eek!)
        It can take time to find a listening ear, and such a treasure when found!

  2. If they try to distract you, it is showing they care, but maybe it is not distractions but they just enjoy spending time with you. Tis ok to fail, we learn when we fail, it is a part of learning.

    Did you see a movie today? Oh your snow is here, lots of it. I wish I could send you some.

    • They really do care it’s just hard to act like the person I should be and not let my negative stuff come out around them.
      I did see a movie! You know what, it was actually quite good. (I took one Valium though)
      I would absolutely love some snow. Please make it a white Christmas for me! Because you know, you have control over the weather or something like that! 🙂

  3. . I was wondering why I couldn’t see ypur posts in my “reader” and then I noticed that I by mistake presses the followbutton to unfollow. I don’t notice .it’s so annoying, because it happens with the blogs I like and follow, because it’s those blogs I’m reading and changing pages on the iphone, Now I just noticed that I suddenly wasn’t a follower to your and another blog I like. But I fixed that now :-). I’d better watch out with my thumb.

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