I have heaps of energy today. I spent a good part of the morning dancing in my bedroom in front of a mirror. That sounds really narcissistic but I swear I only look at myself so that I can laugh. I make up crazy dance moves and I look so stupid! It felt good to burn up some energy and even though it is hot today, I decided to go for a walk. I wandered around the shops mostly. I made sure I didn’t go on a crazy shopping spree by only bringing a few dollars and leaving my card at home.
I wandered into a shop to buy some gum and I saw a guy looking at magazines. He smiled at me in a familiar way and I thought, “What a nice and friendly guy.” It was only after I left the shop that my brain matched his face up with an identity. I recognise people all of the time but I often struggle with knowing how I know a face and sometimes I doubt whether or not I actually know someone. Usually I appear to be pretty rude because I don’t smile back straight away (or at all).
I am pretty sure magazine guy and I got matched up on a low-key sort of double date when I was about fifteen! I only went because my friend had a big crush on magazine guy’s friend so the four of us went to the movies. It was a very awkward experience. I wasn’t too keen on magazine boy, he was nice but he just wasn’t my type (apparently at fifteen I had already worked out my type!). Our friends got close in the cinema and I came up with a million reasons to walk out of the movie. I went to the bathroom, I bought popcorn, I offered to get some drinks for everyone… I can’t remember what movie we saw but I missed lots of chunks of it. This sounds awful but sitting next to magazine guy started to infuriate me. He had a cold or asthma or some other ailment which made him wheeze really loudly. All I could focus on was the sound of him breathing. Maybe he was just nervous, maybe he had anxiety too. My fifteen year old brain didn’t consider this.
I also didn’t like the expectation that just because our friends liked each other, we had to like each other too. I was rude and cold towards magazine guy because that was the only way I knew how to show that I wasn’t interested in him. I saw him a few times after that because he was good friends with my friend and he was a nice guy. After high school we never saw each other or spoke again but I am 99% sure it was him in that shop today. I wish I had realised it sooner because I would have smiled back.
Oh and here’s a tip! If you’re squeamish you might want to skip it!
If you decide to trim your toenails and accidentally cut one so short that it bleeds and cracks, it’s probably best not to decide to remove your toenail polish straight afterwards. It will burn like hell. Painting a fresh coat of polish over the bloody mess only traps the pain inside!