Christmas Blur

I can’t really remember Christmas last year. I remember the year before last, I know what dress I was wearing and I remember how we got stuck in traffic. Actually, wait, maybe that was the year before that.

I remember my sort of Auntie telling me to eat because I was in one of my skinniest phases. I can picture the food but again, I might be thinking of previous years. I have no idea what I bought anyone and I can’t remember any of the presents I got unless I really try to think about it. I’m pretty sure I got perfume but that would mean that I used up an entire bottle before whenever my mum got me a different perfume earlier in the year when she came back from a trip. Where did she go? When? I don’t remember. Maybe I got the perfume the year before. It gets really confusing. I spent too much time today trying to convince myself that it is in fact 2013 and it will be 2014 next year. I still think it’s 2012 or 2011… maybe 2010.

I suppose this Christmas will just blur into the others. I’ll carefully do my makeup/hair and I’ll wear something really pretty to try to hide how scared and miserable I feel. I’ll purposely sit next to my brother because he can carry a conversation better than I can. I’ll pick at food because that’s what is expected but really I hate eating in front of others and watching people eat makes me feel ill. I’ll feel odd and excited when I finally get home. My presents will sit in a bag on my living room floor for a while because I wont know what to do with them and I will want to hold on to the part of Christmas which I really enjoy, which is giving and receiving presents. I’ll spend the next few days in chaos because everything seems to close over Christmas and the new year and when it’s 2014, I’ll probably still think it’s 2012 or 2011 or 2010…

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2 thoughts on “Christmas Blur

  1. maybe this Christmas will be a more memorable one. Tradition makes some more blurry, Christmas is heavy on tradition. We try to do something different each year, just to make each one memorable. 🙂

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