I woke up feeling really sick today but had some stuff I had to do so my brain told me to:
a) Avoid food.
b) Medicate the life out of myself.
I did just that. Before I had even left the house, I had taken my regular medication plus 12.5mg of Valium (2.5 tablets) and 1.5mg of Xanax (1.5 tablets).
Throughout the day I ended up taking 2 more Xanax tablets, bringing my total to 3.5 tablets.
This is more than I have had in a day, ever!
I almost fell asleep on the train home I am so exhausted but it helped and therein lies the problem.
My nausea is gone. My anxiety is almost gone or at least the physical part of it is pretty settled. Walking was a struggle. Trying not to appear drug-addled was a struggle. I got stopped at the train station and worried I would be accused of being either out of my mind or on some sort of illegal substance. Instead they just wanted to check my ticket, phew!
In some ways I am moving forward but in other ways I am going backwards. I had every intention to buy a bottle of wine on my way home (I barely even like wine!), just to see what it might do in combination with all of these meds. I forgot to stop at the liquor shop and now I am too tired to leave the house again.
I’ll sleep well tonight!