What If It’s Me?

After the success of seeing the new psychologist the other day, I have been freaking out a little. I’m not worried that she might be a crappy therapist, in fact I can see the positives in having a crappy therapist:

  • If I don’t get better, it’s not my fault.
  • I have someone to direct my anger towards.
  • I can say whatever I want without having to worry that it might offend the crappy therapist.

 

I’m worried that my new psychologist will be really great, will try everything she can think of to help and still I might not get better or life might not become more tolerable.

Maybe there are no crappy therapists, just crappy patients. Maybe it’s all about me. Maybe no one can fix me and I don’t want to have to rely on myself to get better because being myself is the reason I am so messed up.

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19 thoughts on “What If It’s Me?

  1. Tis not true. Not ever crappy patients. Some are more tormented. So you take that into consideration. Not crappy though. But. And this is a very big but. The more that you put into therapy… the more you get back. Just like physio therapy after an operation. Scary?

  2. Talk to your therapist about these fears (obviously not saying, “I hope you’re terrible” necessarily), but just the fear that you won’t be able to get better even with therapy, that kind of thing. If she’s any good, she will totally understand these concerns.

    • I’ll bring it up with her. It feels like my next appointment is so far away, I think it’s in a couple of weeks. I guess it’s a good way to see if she is “good” by how she handles this fear!

  3. I totally understand how you feel.

    It would be great if someone can cure me. But it looks like a lot of the work lies in my hands – and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fully recover from the anxiety. Only time will tell.

    But I have made progress, not just because of support I’ve got from people but also because of my own efforts at trying to get better. If you’ve made any progress at all, you have the power to lessen the anxiety. You’re definitely not a crappy patient.

    Therapy won’t go to waste. Every bit of help you get will get you closer to recovery. Stay strong! 🙂

  4. C’mon! It’s not you 🙂
    I know it can be scary, but what good does worrying about future problems do us? No good. I know it’s really darn hard to be positive, or optimistic about things (it’s so easy to try to motivate someone else, and so hard to do it to yourself), but try. Don’t devaluate this experience before it has to be devalued, and furthermore, maybe it never has to be.

    And btw, I wouldn’t say that you need to be fixed, you just have to learn how to do the best outta what you got. You’re not broken sweetie, just a little astray?

  5. You have only just started, so the first thing you need to do is to slow down and not try and project into the future.

    The next thing you need to do — and your therapist will help you — is to stop thinking about the “what if’s” and start dealing with the “what really is.” Don’t project any scenario unless it is positive. Deal with the facts at hand.

    No one ever said there was an easy fix. It takes a lot of hard work to: first – dig up all the facts you need to learn how you think and act; and next – come up with a plan to be more like you want to be. But that is basically how it works.

    And consider this: what if it doesn’t work out totally the way you want it to? That still won’t make you a bad person. You are wonderful no matter what. Keep that in mind all the time.

    Good luck!

    • Thank for the advice. I find it really hard not to think of the “what ifs”, they’re a big part of my GAD. I will definitely try to work on this with the psychologist. Thanks for saying I am wonderful. 🙂 I guess if it doesn’t work out, I wont be any worse off, I will just have someone new to dislike and can start looking for someone better.

  6. We are all messed up. it’s a world of hot messes, just like that new song, “It takes all kinds of kinds.” I’ve been to therapists I wanted to kick in the teeth, so they are not perfect either.

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