Did I really do that and worse, did nobody care?

It was another night of nightmares and sleep paralysis. I don’t doubt my imagination’s ability to create a ghost standing next to my bed but of course, my natural reaction was fear and of course, I couldn’t move. Sleep paralysis.

There is a long gap between thinking I am awake and actually waking. That’s when I panic the most. I hate not knowing what is real and I hate how easy it is to slip back into terror.

It doesn’t matter how many times I experience sleep paralysis, it still scares the absolute hell out of me. In those panicked moments, I would give anything to have someone rescue me. Even when I have woken up, I sob and I scream like I want everyone to know that I am terrified.

Last night I remember lurching to the side, pulling at my blinds and screaming out the window. I am pretty sure I was awake by then but sleep paralysis plays tricks on the mind so I may not have been. It felt so real.

If I really did scream out into the night, no one came to help me. Maybe my neighbours are used to my sleep problems. Maybe they tried knocking on my door and I didn’t hear them. Maybe I wasn’t screaming loud enough or maybe they just don’t care.


8 thoughts on “Did I really do that and worse, did nobody care?

  1. Awww hugs. You are describing perhaps a few things. Sleep paralysis. . Night terrors and sleep panic attacks. So something to ponder. Xanax, while not listed as a side effect… it is strongly linked to sleep paralysis and other sleep disturbances.

  2. I had an episode the other morning and I could have sworn I was touching the wall with my fingers, and felt how cold it was, but when I forced my eyes open to wake up, my hand wasn’t on the wall. I don’t think the mind knows what’s real and what’s not.

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