Please don’t become a routine

I take three different medications in the evening and I keep them in a pill organiser with my day medications. At seven o’clock I take one pill but I make sure I take the other two out of their slot and place them on top of the organiser so I don’t forget to take them an hour later. I’m used to this system and it usually doesn’t fail me but lately I’ve been having nights where I freak out in bed and convince myself that I have forgotten the eight o’clock pills.

It’s happening far too often and I don’t want it to become a habit or a routine. I lie there for a moment and try to remember swallowing the pills but I can’t, so I angrily get out of bed in the dark, pull my t-shirt down because I am too lazy to search for pyjama pants and tip-toe out to the kitchen in search of my pill organiser.

I have never forgotten to take the later meds before actually going to bed so I don’t know why I am so worried about it. I think deep down I know that I have taken them but I need to confirm it because I don’t know what might happen if I don’t.

Anxiety from the moment I wake until the moment I sleep. Ugh.


9 thoughts on “Please don’t become a routine

  1. If it really bothers you so much, and you cannot stop thinking about it, then maybe you can keep a tiny pad by the pills — some sort of checklist — then you will actually have to make a check mark or write down that you took the pills when you take them. This will not only start a new routine, but will give you actual physical evidence that you took the pills, instead of just relying on your mind.

    A similar thing happens to me with my gas stove. Every night I check it before I go to bed to make sure all of the burners are completely off. For some reason, I never trust myself, so I wind up doing it over and over and over.

    Sometimes it is hard to trust the mind. You are not sure if you remember things or are imagining them. Try to remind yourself how accurate you are, and that you should have confidence in your ability to remember to take the pills. Try to build up this confidence over time — it does take a lot of time.

    Hang in there!

      • As long as you have some sort of visual evidence that you have done this, it should work. Just please try to keep track of the amount of times you remembered to do things correctly — and keep reminding yourself of it. Hopefully, the goal is to build up your confidence enough that you won’t have to check. You will be able to trust yourself. I understand how difficult it is, just keep trying. Take baby steps and hang in there!

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