A Not So Cheery Dream/Blog (Warning- It might be triggering)

Just in case this is a bit gruesome/triggering, I will take up some space with a list of things which are nice before I get to the actual blog. Uhm how about-

  • Rainbows
  • Kittens
  • Rainbow kittens
  • Flowers
  • Rainbow flowers
  • Rainbow kittens playing with rainbow flowers

I had another dream that I died. I jumped off the roof of a car park and felt my body smash to pieces. I waited for some sort of official sign that I was dead but I didn’t go up to heaven or down to hell, I just didn’t exist in my body anymore.

I wasn’t free from my problems. Instead my spirit had to stick around and watch my loved ones fall apart. The only people who could see me were small children and my brother. I didn’t get to see my own funeral but I saw some of the photos which had been on display.

My biggest concern was getting to my apartment before my parents got there so I could tidy it up and throw out anything which might upset them, which I managed to do with my ghostly hands!

I asked my brother what happened to my body and he said I had been cremated and buried at the crematorium where my grandparents are. He took me there in the hope that I could find peace and move on from this world but I when we found my grave, it was nowhere near my grandparents and I was scared because the grave across from me had a big cross on the ground and from my perspective, it was upside down. I think I knew then that if I did move on, it wouldn’t be to anywhere nice so I stayed stuck between worlds.

Ahh, sleep is so peaceful, right? Ha!

Today I had to walk across one of my real life suicide haunts. I hadn’t been there since I was taken away by police in an ambulance. I have passed it sometimes but had never been as close as I was today.  I felt nothing, even as the flood of memories came back. It’s just another nothing place in another part of nothing town.


14 thoughts on “A Not So Cheery Dream/Blog (Warning- It might be triggering)

  1. I can’t begin to understand what it is you’ve been through, but in reading your posts (even though some of them may seem negative) I can see that things are turning around for you, even if it is ever-so-slowly. I don’t know if this is creepy or not, but I felt like saying it, I care about you! and I really hope that soon you’ll come to see the awesomeness that you are 🙂

  2. Sometimes I’m happy I don’t dream. I’m sorry you had such a bothersome dream! I believe that dreams are your mind’s way of processing things you have seen, heard, or thought throughout the day or the week but that doesn’t make dreams like that any less horrible. When I don’t want to have bad dreams I try to think of happy nice, like rainbow kittens, before I go to sleep. I have found it helps 🙂

  3. Dreams. The time the minds sorts things in a random manner and sometimes gives us glimpses of its erratic house cleaning. Do they indicate anything, hmm some analyze their dreams and make an obsession of it. Do they mean anything…, possibly, more so they are just the residue of huge amounts of data the mind processes whilst we sleep. Unpleasant dreams can occur when nagging thoughts occur, or just when our room is too warm.

    a nothing place in a nothing town… but not visited by a “nothing” person. Octobers pull may tug, but tug back please, think of the beach. I see a lot in you, and there is no “nothing” there. Promise and hope.

    all just words, but they are true. 🙂


  4. Sounds like an awful dream! I hate it when they always happen. Wonder what makes someone have more nightmares than others, and I wish there was a way to stop it. If you spend all day thinking of shitty stuff, you don’t really need shitty stuff to haunt you in your sleep as well.
    I actually heard that you can never die in a dream, but you obviously did, hmuh?

    (PS. Sorry for spamming you with comments! I just had a lot of posts to catch up on at the same time! Didn’t mean to stalk you or whatever!)

    • Thank you for taking the time to write all of the comments and to read my posts, I really appreciate it. You’re very kind. 🙂
      I remember on the show “Medium”, Allison said that you can’t die in your dreams or something like that and I was like, uhoh. I seem to die in dreams a lot!
      Maybe one day there will be a medication to stop nightmares. Then again, maybe some of my meds are contributing to my crazy dreams!

      • Hey, thank you for writing good posts, worth reading! 😉

        I definitely think some meds contribute to crazy dreams. And then it’s the fact that thinking shitty things consciously affect the subconscious mind too… 😦 Like, why couldn’t our subconscious mind just dream away about kissing and fairytales and puppies?

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