Sometimes when I am a little bit over-medicated and a little bit falsely confident, I have this impulse to sit next to people who are alone and ask, “Us?”
This is especially weird because I hate being close to people, I don’t know where this impulse comes from. I feel like maybe if I acted on it, someone might eventually say, “Us”, and we would be us, together and alone, miserable but somewhat complete. I know that most likely, people would get weirded out, hell I would be weirded out and would probably hurry home to blog about it!
I don’t even want “us” particularly. Or rather, generally I don’t want “us” but medication really changes me. That’s how I can justify spending far too much money on crap and not have enough left for important things like food and bills. That’s how I can meet up with people and actually sit and talk to them.
I have been having the most awful stomach pain/ nausea and Xanax and Valium are the only things which make it go away. I am terrified that maybe they are the cause of it too.