My best crush wasn’t my first crush, nor was it on someone who wasn’t really attainable, such as a celebrity. I don’t remember the first time I saw him but I remember where he worked. I’ll call him shop boy because he worked in a shop at a nearby mall. I was a bit of a mall rat as a teenager. We hung out, we went to the movies and we went shopping. If I walked past this particular shop and shop boy was there, I was in there too. I didn’t want to talk to him, I liked admiring him from afar. My friends understood this and found it quite funny although sometimes tedious. What they didn’t understand was why I wouldn’t talk to him.
To me, shop boy was perfect. Aside from his amazingly good looks, he was friendly, kind, funny and smart. Most of this was probably made up in my head, I created the ideal person and I didn’t want to shatter the image I had of him. I dated other people and would even find excuses to take them into the shop, I guess to show shop boy that I wasn’t some sort of creepy stalker who was in love with him. I wasn’t in love with him, I was in love with who I wanted him to be. I didn’t even know him.
When I turned eighteen and started going out to clubs and pubs, I would often see shop boy around. My friends would get excited and point him out and I would try to appear cool. I don’t know what I expected to happen, I was already well on my way to only dating people who were as messed up as I was so that took shop boy out of the picture. I just liked seeing him. It was like he was a great piece of art for me to admire and make up stories about.
Once, I spoke to him. It was only brief, he was friends with one of my sort of high school friends. We didn’t say much, but he helped me escape from an angry ex who wouldn’t leave me alone. I made sure to keep our conversation brief in case he said something which I didn’t agree with. I couldn’t be around him for too long because I wanted to keep him perfect.
After a while he disappeared. Maybe he moved, maybe he stopped going out or maybe I just didn’t notice him anymore. Crushes fade eventually and I had other people taking up my attention.