Don’t invite me to parties

One of the last parties I went to started in the afternoon. I felt like I had to at least make an appearance because that particular friend was only in town for a little while and it would have been really rude of me not to attend. As soon as I started to make my way there, it started bucketing down with rain. I had to walk from a train station to a house and I was wearing a maxi dress and slippery shoes. I bought an umbrella, hiked up my dress so it wouldn’t get wet from the ground and walked very carefully. I was one of the first guests to arrive. I gave my friend some presents and told him to open them when I wasn’t around. He asked if I wanted a drink and I said no. I don’t drink anymore. I used to binge drink a lot but these days I am too scared about losing control so I avoid drinking. I also take a lot of medication, which doesn’t tend to mix well with alcohol.

The living room was set up with a lot of chairs arranged in an awkward circle. I knew nobody so I sat there, pretending I was okay and holding my bottle of water. As more people arrived, I realised that not only did I not know anyone but everyone else seemed to be good friends. All of their stories involved each other. I decided to go outside for a cigarette and I joined a few other people who were huddled under shelter to avoid the rain. Someone recognised me as my brother’s sister and I thought that might lead to a conversation about my brother, but it didn’t.

After my cigarette, I grabbed my handbag and umbrella and got the hell out of there. On my way out, my friend saw me and I told him I was sorry that I was so awkward. He said it was okay and that he understood.

I didn’t even last an hour at that party and I am no longer friends with that friend.

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13 thoughts on “Don’t invite me to parties

  1. I have had many similar experiences, and I know how excruciatingly painful it can be to sit there and endure this. You should consider this a success and be proud of yourself. There is just one thing I am not clear about: are you no longer friends with that person because of that experience?

    • Thanks for the comment. I’m not friends with him because he stopped being a good friend when I needed support so I phased him out of my life. He didn’t care about how I was going, he just liked to brag about how great his life was.

  2. I usually come up with some way to avoid parties. Well done for going to the party and staying there for almost an hour with hardly anyone to talk to. That wouldn’t have been a fun experience for even someone without anxiety, but you got through it! 🙂

    • Thank you, it was pretty pointless going there but luckily I have nothing to do with any of those people so it doesn’t matter what they think about me. This was over a year ago, these days I’m all about excuses too.

  3. I’m sorry the party was so awkward and not at all enjoyable 😦 I’m the same way. I detest parties and social gatherings. I’ve never liked them and I doubt I ever will unless I’m quite drunk 😉 I can’t stand large crowds and the only way for me to not freak out is to use hand sanitizer or stuff my hands in my jacket sleeves.

    • I hate having to make small talk and I’m terrible at it because I am constantly thinking of what I look/sound like so I can’t focus on conversations. I can’t stand crowds either, some people have no sense of personal space and I hate it when someone breathes or coughs close to me. I suppose the only “positive” that came out of that party was it helped me realise that my friend wasn’t much of a friend at all. He knew it was such a big deal for me to actually go there and he pretty much abandoned me once I was there.

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