My relationships have never ended on a good note and I have never remained friends with anyone I’ve dated. Once it has been decided (usually by me) that the relationship is over, any feelings of love are quickly turned into hate.
I don’t hang onto relationships in the hope that they might rekindle but for some reason, I usually hang onto possessions. I destroy and throw out anything which was actually given to me, what I hang onto is stuff I have borrowed and do not want to return. That sounds like stealing and I guess it is. I can only justify it by saying that if someone has treated me poorly or made me really upset/angry, I like to get a little bit of revenge by refusing to hand back something which belongs to them.
This means I have a graveyard of possessions, like CDs, DVDs and even clothing which doesn’t actually belong to me. I just realised how creepy that sounds and I am trying to explain it without sounding like a complete lunatic.
It’s not like I have any attachment to these items. They’re nothing, they’re easily replaced. I’ve never kept anything of great value and I don’t have a creepy ex-shrine or anything like that. These things are just merged into my own belongings. I know they are there, I see them from time to time but I don’t really care about them.
So why do I still have them? Often there is a reluctance for me to actually meet up with someone once I have broken up with them. I don’t want to see them, I don’t want them to see me. Out of anger I would hang onto these things because I knew it pissed off whoever I was with, who just wanted to get their CD back. I am a spiteful thing!
I like that these things don’t have a sentimental value to them and from time to time I find myself donating them to charity. I know it’s pretty dumb to keep this sort of stuff but today I was watching a DVD which belonged to an asshole ex and I felt weirdly satisfied that I never returned it, despite him demanding it many times. I had power in a tiny and strange way.
I guess the lesson here is don’t let me borrow anything while we’re dating!