The Collector

My relationships have never ended on a good note and I have never remained friends with anyone I’ve dated. Once it has been decided (usually by me) that the relationship is over, any feelings of love are quickly turned into hate.

I don’t hang onto relationships in the hope that they might rekindle but for some reason, I usually hang onto possessions. I destroy and throw out anything which was actually given to me, what I hang onto is stuff I have borrowed and do not want to return. That sounds like stealing and I guess it is. I can only justify it by saying that if someone has treated me poorly or made me really upset/angry, I like to get a little bit of revenge by refusing to hand back something which belongs to them.

This means I have a graveyard of possessions, like CDs, DVDs and even clothing which doesn’t actually belong to me. I just realised how creepy that sounds and I am trying to explain it without sounding like a complete lunatic.

It’s not like I have any attachment to these items. They’re nothing, they’re easily replaced. I’ve never kept anything of great value and I don’t have a creepy ex-shrine or anything like that. These things are just merged into my own belongings. I know they are there, I see them from time to time but I don’t really care about them.

So why do I still have them? Often there is a reluctance for me to actually meet up with someone once I have broken up with them. I don’t want to see them, I don’t want them to see me. Out of anger I would hang onto these things because I knew it pissed off whoever I was with, who just wanted to get their CD back. I am a spiteful thing!

I like that these things don’t have a sentimental value to them and from time to time I find myself donating them to charity. I know it’s pretty dumb to keep this sort of stuff but today I was watching a DVD which belonged to an asshole ex and I felt weirdly satisfied that I never returned it, despite him demanding it many times. I had power in a tiny and strange way.

I guess the lesson here is don’t let me borrow anything while we’re dating!





17 thoughts on “The Collector

  1. You have a strooooong Scorpio side. A very dangerous temperament. Very possessive and materialistic. I’d rather burn the bridge and give up the stuff than keep the stuff and burn the bridge. I don’t want a reminder of what didn’t work, either. If it’s something I bought for me, I suppose I’d rather get use out of it. But, if there’s too much emotional attachment, I’d rather let it go. Sometimes, it’s hard to part with gifts from people I thought would be better parts of my life. I still have a few things I should let go. As they say…you can’t take it with you.

    • Thanks for the comment, I’m actually a moody Cancerian. It’s not really about being possessive or materialistic, I don’t want these things because they belong to exes or because they are of any value, I want them because exes want them back. I don’t see these things as reminders of anything other than a bit of revenge, they’re usually tucked away in cupboards and not out in the open staring me in the face.

      • Well, both are water signs. But, usually Scorpio is more vengeful.

        The next guy doesn’t need or want to hear the stories of why you have a stockpile of emotional baggage buried under the rug. Just my opinion. Eventually, you have to come clean about the skeletons.

    • Not at all. That’s the point though, I can vent here and I don’t have to mention any of this to anyone. It’s not going to impact on a relationship at all, it isn’t baggage, just a weird collection.

      • And, no future dates/relationships will ever see the amassing collection or question it? I am very doubtful of that. Abandon the past trinkets. Empty the dragon’s lair. Or, continue to enjoy “friends with benefits” and nothing more.

      • Oh hey person who randomly commented on my blog and actually doesn’t know me at all, cheers for your advice but I think you’ve misinterpreted everything I have said. It’s hardly an amassing collection. It’s a few bits and pieces, big deal. Implying that I “continue to enjoy friends with benefits”, is quite offensive. Maybe you should just ignore my blog from now on. Many thanks.

  2. I think it is understandable that you don’t want to return items. The ties are cut and you want to move on, not to see, visit or talk to them again. Possibly if someone asks for something back you can leave it somewhere and they can pick it up… pssst pull the pins out first. 😉

    how are you feeling today?

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