Yesterday I went through a whole spectrum of moods. The day started usually flat and aimless until I heard my computer was ready to be picked up. A natural reaction to this was excitement and relief but things got a little strange in the afternoon. I was too excited, too giddy and full of too much energy. My thoughts were scattered, I had a lot to do but couldn’t focus on any task for long enough to complete it. I am used to this disorganisation from anxiety but I wasn’t really anxious. I was living in my head a bit, in the crazy imaginary land I sometimes go to.
I took myself for a walk and I felt like I was flying. I got giggly and felt like I knew something no one else did. I had to actively stop my face from showing any emotion beyond a slight smile.
When the evening started to set in, I felt really scared. Something about the almost-Spring weather makes me really fearful. I became unusually sad and felt completely alone. Everything I had to do became too much so I turned on the TV and tried to unwind. I gave up and went to bed but I couldn’t get to sleep. I read for hours and then lay there getting so angry because my mind wouldn’t shut off. I didn’t know if it was hot or cold. This in-between weather is so confusing. I kept adjusting my blankets and pulling off/putting on socks.
I did sleep eventually but woke up too early with a blocked nose. Allergy season. Ugh.
Today I still feel fearful but I am back to a standard low mood and high anxiety.