“I Love You”

When I was younger, one of my friends came from a family which had no hesitation in saying, “I love you” to each other. It was interesting to spend time with them and very quickly I noticed a sort of panic about their reassurance of love. It wasn’t creepy or anything like that. When one person left to go somewhere such as to the shops or out for the day, the others would yell out, “love you!” but I started to see the compulsion in this expression. Perhaps they worried that it might be the last time they would ever see each other, which is a valid thing to worry about. Maybe one person in the family had started this habit and it had filtered through to everyone else. Maybe they worried that something bad might happen if they didn’t say it and they would forever be haunted by their omission of words. It was sweet but sometimes it seemed a bit forced or like the words lost their meaning from being overused. Can we overuse those words?

My family knows I love them, well most of them. I know most of them love me too. When I know I wont see one of them for some time I usually tell them I love them. The same goes for when someone I love is going through a tough time. I’m better at writing “I love you” in a card or a text than I am at saying it to someone’s face, I’m sure I’m not the only one.

I feel conflicted over saying, “I love you” in other circumstances. I worry that if  I say it out of the blue, the people who love me will worry that I am planning to die or disappear. Actually, during the times I have tried to die or disappear, I haven’t gone out of my way to express love beyond suicide letters or strange texts.

I also worry that if I say, “I love you” and something terrible happens, I will have created that somehow. I don’t mean like a curse, I mean I might have created some sort of perfect goodbye scenario which tempts the universe into causing disaster.

S&S

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10 thoughts on ““I Love You”

  1. I know what you mean! i started the ball rolling saying “I love you” at the end of every conversation with family on the off-chance I died when I lived in Canada… and now I feel that if I don’t say it, it could be That One Time that something bad happens… but I feel it light heartedly, as like you, I know that the people I love know that I love them and vice versa…

  2. I think that’s really so sweet of them to say those words that often. Perhaps it’s in the upbringing.

    I’m not verbally expressive. I say it or write it only on special occasions. Somehow, too, I’m afraid they’d compare it with the way I “love” them and my words would fall short of it. 😦

    I hope, when I’m no longer around, my loved ones would know I have loved them more than my words could ever express, as much as I know they have always loved me–because they made me feel loved. Otherwise, maybe I’ll prepare a love letter and tuck it where they could easily discover it. But I think that would make them cry all the more and grieve, and say, “We want you, not your love letter!” 😉

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