Nothing-Ever-Gets-Done Land

Welcome to Nothing-Ever-Gets-Done Land

Population: 1- stunnedandstunted.

Weather: Always cold, even when it’s sunny.

Atmosphere: Smokey. Open some blinds, S&S!

I wake up and my head fills with ideas about things I could do and things I need to do. I move slowly because there’s no rush. I like delaying tasks. Or maybe like is the wrong word. I feel more comfortable taking my time. That doesn’t sound right either. I’m lazy? I am afraid? Thinking about doing things is exhausting, let alone actually doing them? Anyway, time passes. I tell myself that I will get such and such done by a certain time and when that time comes, I delay the task for a bit longer. NOTHING EVER GETS DONE!

I have a phone call I have to make. Shit, I just realised I have a couple of calls to make. I have work to do. My place needs cleaning. I am running out of clean clothes etc etc.

I imagine myself making a phone call, getting flustered, losing my voice, forgetting to say important things or asking stupid questions and I freak out. I consider doing a load of washing but end up getting distracted by pens which need organising right now!

I think I delay or stop doing things because it will drag out the day a bit. I don’t want time to move too quickly, it already has and I have lost so many years. I sort of exist in my own timezone. While the rest of the world moves forward, I dig my heels in. I want to go backwards in time. I wish I could go back and change things for myself. I know I can’t. Every therapist I mention this to seems to enjoy pointing out the obvious. I have to move forward.

But…

Backwards…

Comfort and closeness and friendships and parties and less worry and being spontaneous and not over-thinking/over-planning and dreams and love and lovers and the ability to keep still and relaxing and unpredictability (in a good way) and not being so afraid of everything.

And forwards?

 

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8 thoughts on “Nothing-Ever-Gets-Done Land

  1. Depression makes you want to not. not do, not change. It lies to you. Tells you tis ok to not.

    it is hard to get out of that rut, to tell depression that it is wrong. You trick it, doing something easy, receiving the feeling of accomplishment. proving that depression lies.

    I know that these are only words. but this is how it starts. A scheduled day, waking at a set time, showering. making breakfast. all at set times. to get some order. maybe sort out a drawer, clean a closet, or dust a room. something simple, but on a schedule, something planned.

    It becomes easier, to do more, to prove that depression is wrong, that feeling starts to build you up, it keeps growing.

    The first steps though, they are the hardest ones.

    • You’re so right about depression telling you to “not”. Guess what, after I wrote this post I forced myself to write out a little script for my phone call and then made myself make the call. I felt good after that. So maybe this is Small-Things-Sometimes-Get-Done Land.
      I try to stick to a general sort of schedule but I can be obsessive too. I have to have the same breakfast every day and if it isn’t right I throw it out and make it again. I try making a list of tasks but then feel crappy when I don’t do anything.

      • Yay on the phone call. that is the way to do it, to over come the anxiety. The script is laying things out, it helps sort things and shows you how it will actually go well. 🙂

        make the list, but make it smaller, only put things on it that you know you can do. When you get them done, it empowers you, if you don’t it can have the opposite effect. For some though, if you get some done, you can tell yourself good job and add the other things on tomorrows list perhaps.

        Tis important to empower yourself though, so watch what you add to the list.

        a lot of small things become a big thing. 🙂

  2. sounds like a little town called procrastinationville – where i’m from. Its a great place to visit on a lazy weekend …. becomes a real shit hole during the week though …
    Baby steps hun

  3. Therapist 1 shakes you violently and says, “wake up!” Therapist 2 mentions that you can’t linger in the past. Go to your psychiatrist and he tells you to try options 1 & 2 with some medication as a sider. Rinse and repeat. Did it work?

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