“You’re everyone”, I say matter-of-factly. She looks flattered

“You’re everyone”, I say matter-of-factly. She looks flattered and a bit confused. “You’re my case-worker, my group leaders, you’re the psychologist who I hate… Oh but I don’t hate you.” She smiles at that. She is my main psychiatrist. “You’re everyone because you’re all the same. No one really knows what will help me.” She nods.

I tell her I want to come off all of my medication. I mention that the other psychiatrist was quite alarmed by the amount of meds I take. She says, “Do you want to end up in hospital again?” I tell her I don’t. She says it would be dangerous to come off everything at once, that I would be very sick and emotional. I tell her I think it would be great to feel a whole heap of emotions. “You would probably feel angry, very depressed and lonely”, she replies. I don’t bother pointing out that I feel that way most of the time anyway.

We compromise and she says I can come off one of my antidepressants because it doesn’t appear to be helping me at all. I tell her I don’t have months and months to come off one medication at a time. “I am thinking of going bush. Just packing a bag, hopping on a train and camping in the mountains without any medication. I need to connect with nature.” She furrows her brow and says, “That is a terrible idea.” I suppose she is right.

At home I call my Mum and I decide to keep taking all of my medications until I have a special sort of blood test which measures how the body metabolises medication.

S&S

 

 

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10 thoughts on ““You’re everyone”, I say matter-of-factly. She looks flattered

    • Amber, thank you so much for taking the time to read my posts and for everything you’ve said. I really appreciate it and it’s so good to get an opinion on everything. You haven’t annoyed me at all, you’ve made me feel less alone and that’s a big thing 🙂

      • well I am following now, and will continue to ask questions, and suggestions.

        the world is large, but we are not alone. 🙂

        so no abrupt changes in your meds kk? you can taper off the ones that may not work. tapering off is important.

        so.. I see often, people that start to feel better, and decide they no longer need their meds.. so they stop. I help, and support, any decision someone makes I will support, except one. I am there to pick up the pieces too, and help them look at where they went wrong.

        tis nice to know in advance, if you can believe it, that jumping off meds will mess you up.

        when you think some are not doing what you expected, or the side effects are becoming too much, talk to your doctor, work out a change, there are a lot of choices, even dosage adjustments can do things.

        speed of metabolism, how fast or slow you absorb them can effect their function.

      • Thank you, I will stay on my cocktail for now if only to avoid the horrible withdrawal symptoms. I also am interested to see what the metabolism test shows. Maybe all along my body has been processing meds too fast or too slowly. That’s given me a bit of hope because I have been on so many different meds and have never had great results. I just have to hurry up and organise the test (I live in procrastination land!)
        Take care and thank you again 🙂

  1. Sounds like this was a much better appointment for you! I can’t really add anything to Amber’s wisdom, but I wanted to give you a cheer for going, talking, and listening … woo hoo! <– that's the cheer. 😉

  2. Yup, coming off the cocktail would make you ill, good for you compromising.
    Good for her kinda admitting that she doesn’t have all the answers, sounds like she may be a human…

  3. She sounds like your voice of reason when feeling combative towards medications. She might be right about it being a terrible idea by going cold turkey. Of course, you know yourself more than anyone else. I wish you luck with whatever you do.

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