I just don’t fully believe it.
We put forth arguments to challenge these ingrown negative thoughts and core beliefs.
I can even help see the other side.
I just can’t believe it. There’s a part of me which refuses to believe the positives.
Just like I don’t believe I’ll ever sprout wings and fly or that I’ll wake up one day as a mermaid. I don’t believe the positive things other people (and myself at times) have to say about who I am and about my life.
When I was on a different medication cocktail I used to have moments where I thought I was special, rich, entitled to special treatment and capable of doing anything. I’d go out and spend all of my money, I had some insane connections with people and this strange self-confidence. These moments never lasted very long, they were just bursts of mania. I don’t have bipolar one and I’m fairly sure I don’t have a bipolar two. It may have just been a combination of impulsive borderline behaviour and a lesser degree of my anxiety disorders. I still sometimes get dysphoric mania from time to time.
I really appreciate the people around me trying to challenge my thinking and I see their point of view, I even agree with them sometimes but still there will always be this part of me which cannot agree. It’s like these core beliefs are tattooed to my mind.