Another Psychiatrist

You look upset, your eyes are tearing up.
I take a tissue from the box on his desk, blot my eyes and look down at the floor. I have to be careful about what I say next.
What do you do that makes you happy?
I don’t know. I can’t think of anything. I mean I have hobbies and there are things I like to do but lately I find it really difficult to do anything.
Do you have any goals? You need some goals in life.
I have always have problems setting goals. I don’t like imagining myself too far into the future.
Sometimes my goals are as simple as taking out the rubbish or washing up some dishes.
Do you have a negative self-image?
Doesn’t everyone?
You need to start doing more with your life, I think you should do another group program.
I know I should but to get to those groups and stay there I have to take so much medication and I am worried I am becoming reliant on these meds.
You need to find other ways to cope with your emotions. 
If I could, I would.
I thank him for his time, ever eager to appear polite and compliant. In the bathroom I wash away my smudged makeup and then I head back home. As I walk, my legs turn to jelly so I sit on a wall, my tears hidden by my sunglasses.

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10 thoughts on “Another Psychiatrist

      • I only ask because my daughter suffers from anxiety and depression and she’s never found a psych she was happy with. I have mixed feelings about them as well, some of them tried to put ideas into her head about us (her family) in someway contributing to the problem but she’d just come home and tell us about it and have a laugh. There were other things as well and I’m sure they thought they were being helpful but she was also being sneaky by letting them think she agreed with them. I said to her one day – you depressed people sure are sneaky and I never really knew if she was ok or just saying she was. It’s easier now that we live with her and I can see for myself how things are travelling. It is a worry but I’d rather know everything warts and all than to think she was ok when she wasn’t.

        Lol and I’m not saying we didn’t contribute to the problem – who knows!!

      • I’ve seen a few dodgy psychiatrists/psychologists in my time so I know what you mean. Once a therapist seemed to want me to hate my mother, which I never have and never will. I stopped seeing her.
        My Mum says the same thing, that she’d rather know everything. I think I go into protection mode a bit. I appreciate your comments, thanks Jane 🙂

  1. This just makes me angry. Who the hell has goals? Apart from a football field. You generally do what you have to, no? Stupid psychiatrists. I have worked in the same teams as many and only rate a very select few. But then we can’t get along with everyone can we 😉

    • Exactly! I wish I could go back and say I generally do what I have to. He told me he would see me again in a month or two. I don’t think I will go back but then it all depends on how things go with my main psychiatrist. I haven’t met one who hasn’t annoyed me in one way or another!

      • They tend to talk rather than listen, in my humble opinion. What do they think is likely to change in a month or two? They really don’t understand that just getting yourself there is hard enough work, let alone the work you have to do to wade through the treacle every day. I am sorry to sound so negative, but I believe that they actually do very little to help, because they don’t know how to actually listen. Usually because they don’t have the luxury of being able to show their humanity, or the time. I reckon that I think this because I felt incredibly ineffectual when I worked in mental health. It is, of course, not representative of them all. Or a comment on them as people.

  2. Also, don’t you find it frustrating when people tell you what you need to do? One size does not fit all. You may as well tell me I like hip hop and getting drunk in a night club – I don’t.

    • I hate it when people tell me what to do when they know what I struggle with. He did a long assessment and has notes on me. It’s like saying to someone who has a headache “well don’t have a headache.” Ha, and for the record I don’t like hip hop or getting drunk in clubs (anymore) either! 😉

      • Exactly! I just think, what do I waste my time telling you things for?! I struggle going to certain places, so they send me appointments in those places… and I’m meant to be the loopy one!? It is insulting and frustrating. I think that, because I’m not afraid to speak my mind and have the background I do, I am fortunate. I don’t think that other, more vulnerable, less forthright people must be having an incredibly terrible time at the mercy of some thoughtless professionals.

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