I appear to function fairly “normally” when I take certain meds and by “normally” I mean in a more socially acceptable way but by no means like a “regular” person.
Here comes the negative talk.
I’m a cheater, I am a total fraud. People think I am doing so much better but take away my cover (benzos) and I am worse than I was before my last hospital admission.
I’m actually really scared because I exist in two realities. In the first I really want to get better and to be able to go out into the world benzo-free but in the other reality I just want to kill my anxiety in the quickest way possible.
It’s been a long battle so far, I am worn out again.
Does anyone have any suggestions for dealing with GAD, Social Phobia, OCD or panic disorder? Any suggestions for depression treatment? I’ve tried almost all of the antidepressants out there and although it’s been recommended, I still don’t want to try ECT. I’ve been in therapy for half of my life.
I feel awful and completely fake. I don’t ever want to go back to hospital but if things continue as they are, I might not have a choice.